Learning how to get the best from children can be very rewarding and also very empowering for both children and parents.

The children’s self-esteem, self- worth, pride and feeling of being loved are all majorly influenced by the way they are parented. If the parent is overly protective or strict, the child learns they are loved but not trusted and will have lower self-esteem. If the child is raised with little love they have lower grades, lower self-esteem and often become low achievers. Finally if the child is raised with consistent boundaries, age appropriate trust, regular positive feedback of both behaviour and personality strengths, the child grows to have high self-esteem, often become high achievers and are far less likely to engage in drugs and alcohol abuse.

Positive discipline is not allowing the child to run free and choose their own boundaries.

It is being consciously aware of your parenting. The child was not misbehaving.

Discipline for when your children’s behaviour is inappropriate is also very important. Time out has been proven time and again to be the most effective and appropriate discipline (Kail ; Cavanaugh,2010). The child then understands that you respect them and they will respect you. Personality. Wadsworth: Cengage Learning.

Children’s Behaviour and Learning the Art of Positive Parenting

Parents have to make sure that their kids grow and become responsible and with morals. Over the time, there have been many parenting styles and techniques that were discovered and one of these is the permissive parenting style. Parents often bond with their kids but they never teach them how to behave properly. Children are not given limits with their behavior in this type of parenting style. Permissive parenting may cause children to behave in an undesirable manner and would become harsh if not given what they wanted. May you have figured out what type of parenting style that suits the type of child you have.

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• Positive Parenting

A mother and father who are committed to each and every single other and treat each single other with mutual respect. It is given that youngsters find out from their parents. When parents are getting deceptive and dishonest, cheating, calling every single other names, becoming inconsiderate of every other, producing enjoyable of just about every other, taking each other for granted and divorcing each and every other… how are our kids ever going to discover what a healthful, functional relationship is?

A mother and father who deliver guidance and instill values in their kids. Responsible parenting entails supplying youngsters with boundaries and structure. Children are selfish by nature. Kids are especially wise.

Spanking your kid is not responsible parenting.

“Time out” is honestly the way to go. I equate “time out” with jail. It forces them to take some “time out” and believe about their behavior.

A mother and father who act as role models for their youngsters. Responsible parenting entails “teaching by example.”

Responsible parenting involves “keeping your cool.”

Is not it time we began operating on becoming adults? Is not it time we began taking responsibility for our own behavior? Is not it time we began thinking about others’ point of view?

Children are the parents’ ultimate responsibility. Sadly, quite a few parents out there are not thinking about getting role models for their youngsters.

Responsible Parenting – What is It?

Work pressures, lack of patience, relationship problems and so on have a direct impact on the way you interact with your kid.

Positive parenting stresses on the kids reward program rather than the technique of punishing. Motivation for helpful deeds will certainly lessen the ‘other’ deeds of the kid and make the kid voluntarily focus on the ‘good’ deeds. Self-discipline and voluntary responsibility are the two fruits of the young children reward method and thus, positive parenting.

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The Discipline Problem: Endless Arguing between You and Your Kids:

Arguing with kids is like a spinning top. It keeps spinning until you give up, tip over, and say, ?Yes? when you want to say, ?No.?

Kids push arguments to senseless heights. Be rational when they?re not, otherwise your discipline will fail. They?ll win. Why? Many kids argue louder and longer than their parents. If this is the way your kids get what they want, you can change it.

Let?s look at 3 discipline solutions for ending arguments and solving problems, but first let?s look into your past.

Did You Argue with Your Parents?

If so, did you win? Was it easier for them to give up than to keep arguing? Was arguing the way you got what you wanted? Do you remember telling your parents:

1. You always say, ?No!?

2. You make me do everything!

3. It isn?t fair!

Maybe you felt powerful, angry, or guilty. Perhaps you lost respect for your parents. Realize your kids feel the same way. That?s why you must stop the arguing. You must stop the manipulation. You must find a different way to solve problems.

First Parenting Tip – Model Respect and Character:

Your voice, your body language, and your words have the power to teach.
Some parents teach the following mistakes. Don?t let these mistakes be yours:

1.) Argue with a loud rough voice. The child learns to argue the same way because parents modeled the voice.

2.) Stand with stiff body language, pointing finger, and angry face. The child learns to mimic the same stance because parents modeled it.

3.) Yell, name call, and use hurtful words. The child repeats the language because parents modeled it.

What to do:

Speak kindly and firmly with your child. Form a relaxed body language and speak in a civilized manner. You are the parent, the teacher, the model.

Second Parenting Tip – Listen Well and Speak Well

1.) Look into your child?s eyes as he?s speaking.

2.) Give your child your full attention.

3.) Ask questions to show interest.

4.) Avoid interrupting.

5.) Stay on the subject.

Third Parenting Tip ? The Rules and the Formula

The Discipline Formula Rules:

You?ll need a timer and a coin.

Toss the coin to see who starts.

You can only speak when holding the coin.

The first speaker, with coin in hand, can only speak for one minute. When done, the speaker gives the coin to the listener.

Start the timer.

The Discipline Formula:

After the listener receives the coin and before he starts to make his point, he must say in his own words what he heard the speaker before him say.

He then asks, ?Was I right?? If he wasn?t, he must keep trying until he gets it right. Only when the listener repeats correctly can he become the speaker.

Then start the one minute timer.

Repeat this process until each person is ready to make some positive commitments about the subject of the argument.

Write out the commitments with each person signing his name next to his commitment. Post it on the refrigerator.

Conclusion for Teaching your Kids How to Solve Arguments:

Stop spinning into endless arguments with your kids. You don?t have to roll over and say ?Yes? when you want to say, ?No.? Use the Winning Formula for Solving Arguments. Model both respect and character. Listen well and speak well. If you do, you?ll both be getting the love and respect you each want.

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The Problem is Pressure:

Pretend you have a daughter named Mary. Over time Mary resents your demands to get more A?s, to do more chores, to get out of bed in time for school.

No matter how much you nag, yell, or threaten, she won?t cooperate. For her, your pressure is a vice squeezing and flattening her desire to cooperate. She becomes resistant.

You want to build character, but the problem is pressure.

How Did Your Parents Discipline You?

Perhaps your parents continually pressured you to do more. If so, did you go inside your head and think:

1. Nothing I do is good enough.
2. I wish she?d leave me alone.
3. They?re always on my back.

Too much pressure can suffocate your child?s desire to achieve.
Disciplining with Pressure – A True Story:

I remember a boy who couldn?t relax. His parents kept pressuring him to accomplish more.

He blushed when spoken to. He stuttered when answering. His eyes darted about like a nervous bird. He was the number one student, musician, and athlete. He tried hard and did well. But he never felt good enough.
One day, when he was a teenager, he exploded. His family life changed; all closeness was gone. He left home for good.

His case is extreme and points out what can happen when we pressure too much.

If you demand too much of your children, how can you discipline better and build character too?

3 Parenting Tips for Building Character without Pressure:

First Parenting Tip ? Question Yourself

1. How is my child reacting to my demands? Notice his body language and his words.
2. How can I prevent my child from being anxious, angry, or stubborn?
3. How can I raise my child without pressure and build character too?

Second Parenting Tip ? Appreciate

Develop an eye for appreciation. Instead of insisting that your child do more, notice what she?s already done. Drop the pressuring. Increase the motivation with compliments. You could say:

1. You?ve worked so hard on your homework, why don?t you take a break?
2. I enjoyed watching your face at baseball practice because you smiled, laughed, and encouraged your team.
3. Your room looks good, especially the way you made your bed.

There are parents who might ask, ?Are you nuts?? To them I?d answer, ?If what you?re doing is causing anxiety, anger, and resistance, what have you got to lose? Why not practice these tips??

Third Parenting Tip ? Motivate

1. Share, read, and talk about inspiring stories of heroes. Why stories? Lectures irritate and stories motivate.
2. Post an inspirational quote on the refrigerator each week. Discuss it. Challenge each member of the family to do something inspiring too. Make sure the challenge is their choice.
3. At Sunday breakfast, ask each member of the family, ?What did you do during the week that you?re proud of??

Remind them, ?It doesn?t matter if you succeeded. It matters that you tried.? You?ll love what you hear.

Conclusion for Building Character without Pressure:

You don?t need to raise an anxious child. You don?t need to discipline with pressure.

You can build character by improving your discipline, appreciating your child, and using inspirational stories. Motivate your children to discuss what they?re proud of too.

If you do, you?ll be raising a loving family. The kids will achieve and cooperate. One more thing, you?ll be raising children with character.

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Your child wants to play with a friend, but you?ve said ?No friends until your book report is done.? A friend calls to ask your child to a new movie that?s opened. You let him go to the movie, saying he can do the report that night.

Your child doesn?t pick up his/her toys when asked. You end up picking the toys up for your child.

You tell your child that s/he is grounded for a week. Do you stick to your guns or cave under the pressure?

Why is it so hard to be consistent in discipline?

There are obvious answers. You?re tired. You take the path of least resistance. The kids wear you down. But to really get to the bottom of this, you have to dig deeper. In order to make real, significant changes, you have to examine what holds you back in following through with reasonable discipline options.

Let?s start with the words ?reasonable discipline.? Did you really want to ground your child for a whole week or did you just say that out of anger? If your child did something really awful you may want to ground them for a week, but if you said it out of anger, you need to give yourself a break before you discipline your child so you don?t deal out a punishment that you won?t follow through on because it?s too harsh. Choose your words (and punishments) carefully.

Guilt. This is a big one. The majority of parents work outside the home now. Do you feel guilty when your child is in the care of others for 6 or 8 or 10 hours a day? Most parents do. Guilt can drive you to try and make up the time lost with your kids by turning the time you do have together into ?fun? time. You don?t want to play the ?heavy? if you only have 3 or 4 hours a day together.

My child won?t like me. Your child won?t like the action that you took. That part is true. Who likes to be punished? But you have a long, deep and endearing relationship with your child with thousands of investments you?ve made in caring for them. Stephen Covey calls this ?an emotional bank account.? If you have enough goodwill stored up in the back account, occasional punishments will not empty the bank account permanently. Your child will still love you, but they will pout and stomp and be unhappy about the punishment. Try to separate the action that you?re taking from the personal attribution.

My child needs me. This one is tough. If your child is begging for one more bedtime story you believe your child NEEDS you and you want to fulfill that need. Isn?t that your job as a parent? Try to examine where your child?s need is coming from and your own need to be needed. Are there other times of day when you can connect in meaningful ways with your child? Is it your job to ensure that your child gets adequate sleep? Try to look at various needs your child has and weigh what?s most important to fill at the time.

It will hurt my child?s feelings. The truth is that sometimes your child?s feelings will be hurt. If you don?t let your child go to the movie with a friend because his book report isn?t done, whose fault was it? Your child procrastinated for two days. He had ample time to complete it earlier but chose to play video games instead. You outlined the consequences, but your child chose to ignore them. Should your child learn from his mistakes or should you prevent him from feeling the ?pain? of actions he took?

The consequences of being inconsistent in your discipline are actually quite grave. Your child will learn that s/he cannot trust you. Your child will lose respect for you. Your child will not develop a set of boundaries that delineate between parent and child, authority figure/child. Your child will not have a firm, reliable structure to count on. Your child will feel insecure.

Your child will have a false set of empowerment. S/he will feel in charge, when s/he really needs you to be the one in charge. The child will learn that you hold them to a lower standard and in fact, that you believe they are incapable of meeting the standard that you set. They will learn that they don?t have to meet standards because standards are negotiable. They will ultimately lose respect for themselves because they are learning that they are not responsible for their own behavior.

So the next time you feel like letting the consequence go, think of all the good that can come from positive discipline methods, consistently applied. Your child will feel more secure. Life will be more predictable for your child. Some crises will be avoided. Your child will learn to do things for him/herself. Your child will learn appropriate boundaries. Your child will learn self-care. Your child will learn that you are trustworthy, reliable and responsible. The firm structure that you build will enhance your child?s self-esteem. Some nasty behaviors will subside because there are consequences.

When you?ve been a ?discipline wimp? try to figure out what held you back from being firm. Then pick one of the consequences of parental inconsistency that hit you in the gut. i.e. My child cannot believe what I say. Repeat it to yourself the next time you discipline your child. Make it your mantra for future use. By keeping your eye on the prize: responsible, confident and capable young adults, you?ll be more likely to set, and keep (!) firm limits.

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