How Our Thoughts and Actions Affect Our Children?s Behaviour
When children misbehave, it is pretty natural reaction to feel negative and we may behave in a negative way back such as shouting or putting them down, withdrawing affection or some other method of making children feel bad about what they have done. This is because their negative behaviour attracts a negative response from us. The trick as a parent is to stay calm and positive and non reactive so that we can encourage the behaviour that we want.
James Allen in his classic book ?As a Man Thinketh?, explains this theory really well.
He likened our minds to that of a garden. He said that we can ?intelligently cultivate? a garden by planting useful seeds and helping it blossom, or we can leave the garden to grow wild and let an abundance of useless weeds take over.
He believed negative thoughts and actions were like weeds, very destructive and attract negative behaviour, while positive thoughts and actions develop into positive behaviour. If left unattended a garden will become overgrown with weeds which will kill the flowers and be destructive. Negative thoughts are destructive in the same way and too many of them will make the mind filled with negativity which comes out in negative actions and behaviours. As parents if you are mindful of pulling out the weeds and planting (flowers) positive thoughts then you will encourage your child to be a happy, positive attitude to life.
So next time you feel yourself getting annoyed with your children, and they are misbehaving, check to see if you are saying or doing negative things which will be making the situation worse. You can turn things around by saying more positive things and acting in a more positive way, even if this starts with calming down and getting yourself in a more positive mindset first.
For example,
If you asked a four year old to get dressed for school and 5 minutes later you see that they have not even started, it can be a natural reaction to think negative about this and respond by saying something negative, such as,
‘Why can’t I trust you to get dressed when I ask you, you are always wasting time and making me late for work’. …….and so on. Although a child may respond and get dressed, it is not going to put them into any kind of good mood, which will likely mean more negative behaviour later on.
If we turn our thoughts into positive ones, we might say something encouraging and positive, for example,
‘Come on it’s time to get dressed, you are really good at getting dressed, show me how quick you can get dressed and see if you can beat me to the kitchen for breakfast, … This is much more positive and likely to put them into a good mood and want to please you by getting dressed.
So remember GOOD thoughts and actions produce good results
BAD thoughts and actions produce bad results
A Child Behaviour Consultant with 30 years of experience of working with children and a psycholgy degree. Author of A Parents Guide to Children’s Behaviour is a link A Parents Guide to Childrens Behaviour http://childbehaviourdirect.com is a link to child behaviour Direct
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Tags: behaviour, child, childrens,