8 Tips To Help You Communicate With Your Teen

On of the main issues with teenagers is communication. It’s like talking to a wall. I have had so many parents come to me and say he/she just turns away and walks away from me when I am talking to them.

I don’t know what to do?

I wanted to give you some tips that you can use when your struggling with communicating with your teenager.

Hear what they say not what you heard: I cant tell you how many marriages, relationships, and yes even raising teens success has to do with your ability to hear. We have lost the art of hearing and understanding what people are trying to communicate. Sometimes we are so caught up in the emotion of what is taking place that we ignore the sounds coming from their lips. I would suggest several times a week just spending more and more time just talking in a controlled emotional environment where no matter what is said to you…you just listen and talk.

Control your emotions: If you have to walk out of the room after a talk and put a few holes in the room…that is fine…just hire a good handy man. But when you are in the room talking with your teen try to stay as calm as you can. There is nothing worse than a parent riding the emotional roller coaster with their teenager. They are battling all kinds of things within their body and need us to stay as calm as we can to work through the ride.

Don’t freaking cuss: Control your language and don’t push buttons. I have seen some parents intentionally push the buttons of their teens to get a rise out of them. They will go after their teen to hurt them just as they have been hurt by their own teen. It is a crazy form of communication but parents do this all the time.

Keep Coming Back: Everyday come back and re-assure your teenager that you love them and that you care for them. Tell them that you are going to be their no matter what and prove it with your actions. You need to show up each day and work the communication with your teen.

Correct bad information: In the best way you know how…do not allow your teen to mis-represent or lie about situations. Check them right there and then. You have to keep speaking the truth.

Now, I would caution you to realize that the way your teen describes a particular situation may be exactly how they see it. And you may get them to shut up but they will walk away feeling as though they are right. But I would take some time in understanding what is being said and correcting bad information. Those are always teaching moments.

Don’t allow vague conversation: Every time your teen speaks out and says they, them, or everyone. Make them tell you who those people are. Never allow for someone to lump a group of people together like that. It not only allows you to know who your teen is thinking of but also allows you to know what “they” might actually think and bring corrective thinking to the situation.

Use more encouragement than discouragement: Don’t kill your teen with insults, loud talking, and discouragement. You need to break down walls and not build them

One last thing I can say that will allow you to understand your teen more and something some parents do not do enough of is something Susan Elswick said…

Get involved in their lives and know their friends- I know we have all heard the radio commercials where parents are asked if they know what time their favorite show comes on, what the score for last nights game was, or if they know the name of the top draft pick for the NFL….then they ask if the parent knows the name of at least one of their child’s friends/ teachers. This is a very eye opening commercial. We spend so much of our daily energy on things that don’t really have a huge impact on our lives or the loves of our children, but something as simple as the name of our child’s friend could be very important. Make it a point to meet your children’s friends and their families, know what your child’s interests are, and get to know their teachers. Even if you are trying hard as a parent in your home, if you are not monitoring who your children spend time with and where they spend their time you are leaving a lot of room for mayhem.

Phill Longmire has been helping people over the last 11 years deal with their own hurts, habits, and hang ups. His website at http://teenagedrugabuseonline.com/ offers advice to parents who are dealing with teens who are abusing drugs. Phill’s report “Help…My Teen is Using Drugs” is jam packed with tips and techniques that will allow you to help your teen today begin the hard long road of recovery. You can order it by visiting our web page.

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